New Year 2022

This is the first week of 2022. Jean and I have now been at Kirkwood by the River, our retirement community, for two-and-a-half years. My last major cancer treatment procedure, on my chest and stomach, is two years behind me now. I am looking at each day as a gift from God, some extra time to enjoy the world and the people around me. Gratitude is a big part of life now.

The last couple years have brought the loss of several close friends, and I think about those people a lot. We each have a smaller circle of friends who are entrusted with our deepest level of confidence. These are the people we call and talk with when we have troubles or important decisions. It is a shock when one of them dies and is no longer a physical part our life. The best response I have found is to thank God that we had them with us for so long. It is said that deep grief is a reminder that there has been deep love. Thanks to God for the wonderful people we meet in our lives.

I have moved most of my computer time from an android tablet back to a chromebook. I have been wondering why in recent months I have not been writing as much as I used to write. This includes emails, blog posts, and journaling. I finally realized one factor is that the tablet had no physical keyboard. When the keyboard is in front of me all the time, I can respond easily to the good impulses to write. Simple but profound.

These are a few of the things on my mind as the new year begins. I hope to be more active on the blog in 2022. I wish you a happy and peaceful new year.

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Thanksgiving 2021

Jean and I have been at Kirkwood by the River now for over two years, so this is our third Thanksgiving here. This has been a peaceful environment with a friendly community that supports and encourages us. We are grateful.

During the past year we have seen several close friends and family who have passed on, and I am surprised how much we miss them. God has been kind in bringing a number of amazing people into our lives. At this stage in life we see even more clearly God’s providential care and guidance through the years.

I have found a new way to make copies of the slides that hold most of our images between the time we married in 1967 and the time we acquired our first digital camera in 2001. In the months ahead I will be transforming the slide images into electronic images. This will give me a wealth of new material to add to my blog posts.

These days I have found great joy in reading the Bible and several different Bible commentaries. The commentaries are of the type that focus on Christian living and life applications (with fewer pages devoted to scholarly technical issues). I also am able to find periods of quiet through the days when I can pray in read. This is a good season of life with some new limitations but with many freedoms and opportunities.

I wish all who read this a good Advent season and a Happy Christmas.

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Angels

Our lives are profoundly shaped by our world view, the way we see and understand life. Many people believe that the loving power who shaped our planet also watches over us in mysterious ways. This includes sending us help when we are in desperate places. As a pastor I have heard many stories about angels and other signs people have seen. Often someone will speak of Jesus’ presence with them when a family member faced death or when they were seriously ill. People are shy about mentioning these things. Sometimes they will say they have never told anyone before because they were embarrassed by how they might be viewed.

The Bible reports many instances of angels and mysterious visitors. Hebrews 13:2 counsels us to show hospitality to strangers because “some have entertained angels unaware.” During my recent illness I had several occasions where I had a strong sense of God’s presence nearby.

I was happy to discover the statue of an angel which stands outside the main entrance to Kirkwood by the River, the retirement community where we live. I hope that you receive help, perhaps from angels, whenever you are in need.

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Easter 2021

This Easter morning. As I begin the day, I give thanks for life and for the amazing events that have brought me to this new place. It was two years ago that I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. During the last two years Jean and I have navigated through radiation, chemotherapy, and surgery (mostly in 2019). My latest tests show me to be free of cancer. We also moved to Kirkwood by the River, a retirement home, and sold our home where we lived for almost ten years. This last year we shared with the rest of you the challenges of Covid-19 and the isolation and fears that came with the virus.

Today we celebrate the resurrection of Christ, the promise of new beginnings, and the hope of life with God beyond this life. Almost every day now I take a walk on the property of Kirkwood by the River. The setting is pleasant, and I am now keeping my eyes open for spring flowers. Here is a photo I took yesterday.

Each day is a gift, and life holds many joys and wonders. I am grateful for the good people who have been in my life over the years. Friendships are a treasure. Please stay in touch so that we can share this journey in the days ahead. Happy Easter to all.

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2021

I have been away from this blog for a bit once again. During the past year, and even in recent weeks, I have had a series of medical and minor surgical procedures done to return me to good health and an active life. I am happy and grateful to God for all that has happened.

Our life here at Kirkwood by the River is comfortable and secure. Jean and I expect this to be where we will spend the rest of our lives. The population here, even in independent living where we are, is elderly. Since we are both retired pastors we are happy to be around people whom we can help and support. During the last eighteen months we have received so much help from staff and from our neighbors here in the retirement home. Hopefully we can return some of that love and kindness when we are strong.

The retirement home has been closed to outside people and visitors for many months. Since most people in the home have now received the flu vaccine recently there is a hope that life will slowly return to normal. We have a guest room in our apartment that we expect will have friends and family in it again before long.

 

Last week we had a visit (outside the retirement home) from our old friends Ray and Dora Leonardson. I really enjoyed seeing them. They took a photo of me that I am posting here. (I took off my face mask just long enough for the photo.) We pray each evening for many people, especially those who have suffered greatly from the isolation and the losses caused by the flu pandemic. May God show mercy to all who have faced adversity during the past year.

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I Have Time

When people phone me they will often ask, “Is this a good time?” or “Have you got time to talk now?”. The answer is almost always, “Yes.” The last eighteen months of my life were tied up with illness, but now I am pretty well recovered and I am getting stronger with each month that passes. I take a twenty minute walk (with no sitting or resting) almost every day. My mind is clear and I enjoy being with other people. Because of the covid 19 virus most of my interactions have been on the phone or on the computer. I also do some email and texting.

We now have some hope that vaccines will be available in the near future and that we all will be able to get out and be with people more often. That will be great. These quieter months have provided some wonderful times on the phone. Those conversations are remembered and treasured.

Talking to people, family, friends, and new people, brings joy to me heart. So if you would like to talk about anything at all, I would enjoy it as well.

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Signs and Wonders

It has been been nineteen months since I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and I was originally given little chance to survive. Most of last year I spent receiving chemotherapy and radiation, being hospitalized, and staying in a rehabilitation center. Last October I moved into an independent living section of a retirement center with my wife Jean. One year ago I had a major surgery where half of my esophagus was removed (along with the original tumor) and my stomach was reduced in size and re-positioned in my chest. My feeding tube has been gone for ten months, and I am now eating and maintaining weight with regular food.

Each day is a gift of God. I see myself as one who has been given time I had not expected and which is not deserved by anything I have done. Most of the medical people I see are surprised I am still around. How do I see this? I have found some help in the signs and wonders which are described in the Bible, especially the Gospels.

Here is what William Barclay says in his commentary on The Gospel of John 2:25):

“In any miracle, then, there are three things. There is the wonder which leaves men (people) dazzled, astonished, aghast. There is the power which is effective, which can deal with and mend a broken body, an unhinged mind, a bruised heart, which can do things. There is the sign which tells us of the love in the heart of the God who does such things for men (humankind).”

I hope when people see me and talk with me that they will see in my healing a sign of what God desires for every person on our planet. God wants us all to be healed and whole. Human suffering is a sad reality that we do not understand, but there is the promise of wholeness for all in the love and mercy of God. My healing is a sign of that hope. And I am grateful to God for what God has done.

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Selfie

I was messing around on my laptop a few days ago, and I began taking selfies. One of them showed me looking happy and relaxed. It really looked the way I am feeling these days. I had a huge surgery in December, and it is taking me months to recover. But I am getting stronger every month.When I looked at the pictures I have posted on the internet I realized many of them are ten or twenty years old. That is a bit dishonest.

So here is the new picture, showing a bit more wear and tear. Still, not bad for a seventy-six year old who had a rough 2019. 2020 has been a challenging year for several reasons. First is the covid virus, which has all of us hiding out and isolating ourselves a great deal. We now live in a retirement home, and our trips out into the world are mostly for medical appointments that cannot be done remotely. (This week I go out Wednesday for a cat scan and Thursday to see the oncologist. So far my cancer has stayed away.)

Many routine life tasks this year have felt monumental, putting my limited endurance to the test. Two weeks ago I finally completed our 2019 tax returns. I used every extension available and still managed to finish only two days before the deadline. For me it was a huge victory. I had the strength to sit in an office chair for hours at a time, and (I believe) I had the clarity of mind to complete all the complex forms and calculations. There was a time last year where I went zero for three on a screening test asking: (1) Where are you?, (2) What year is it?, and (3) Who is the President? (My guess for President was “Ronald Reagan.”)

With no major tasks to complete in the next few months, I am feeling relaxed and happy. So my “emotional selfie” has a smile on his face as big as the physical smile on the photograph above. I am feeling happy and grateful. Hope you are well too.

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David Bleivik

Last week Ann Bleivik phoned to tell Jean and me that her beloved husband David had died after a prolonged illness. I am still processing how much of a personal loss this is for me. David was an amazing guy with all kinds of titles and credentials (Rev., Doctor, General Presbyter, Head of Staff). I knew him as a pastor and friend.

One of the reasons David is important to me is that he is one of a handful of people in my life that I trusted to help me with the most difficult personal and professional choices I had to make. When Ann called last week, she told me that whenever David returned from meeting with me, she would ask him, “Did you two solve all your problems?” On one occasion David told her, “His problems are worse than mine this time, but next time my problems will be worse.” When he spoke like this David always had a big smile on his face.

There were two periods in our lives when we were able to meet on a schedule. The first was when we were in the Tidewater area of Virginia and we were both helping start new churches. Our churches were about 45 minutes apart and we met at least monthly for half a day. Ten years later David was an executive presbyter near Pittsburgh, and I had a church in Athens, Ohio. Each of us drove several hours each month so that we could spend most of a day together at a restaurant near the Pennsylvania Ohio border.

We prayed, ate and drank coffee, and talked. David, with his background in military intelligence, had an uncanny ability to unscramble complex situations and discover the central issues. I was amused by his lack of awe for institutions and traditions, and I was impressed by his determination to honor Christ with every decision. David was one of the bravest people I ever met.

I recently read that when a person dies and they leave close friends or family, those people suffer loss because they now have memories, but do not have the person with whom those memories were made. So there is an emptiness. That is what I am feeling.

I need to mention that I spent most of the last year recovering from esophageal cancer. Each week David phoned my wife Jean to see how she was doing in my absence at the hospital or rehab. Loyalty and kindness like that are a treasure.

Those who have lost the most are David’s wife Ann, his children David Jr. and Christina, and all extended family. My love and prayers go out to them. And I give thanks to God who sent this beloved man into our lives.

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Our porch at Kirkwood

Building new patterns of living is a long process. Jean has now been living in our apartment at Kirkwood by the River for over a year. Last October I joined her in the apartment after spending over three months in the hospital and in rehabilitation. Each month we make a few small changes to improve our quality of life.

Our apartment choice is called “a two bedroom plus apartment.” The “plus” means that we have an extra large balcony or porch. The porch can be accessed from either the living room or from our main bedroom. Since we are on the top floor we look out into the tops of the trees. The view is cheerful and beautiful. We are fortunate to have it.

For the last year we had only one lonely chair on the balcony. Last week we ordered a rocking chair and a small table. The fall months are a good time to be on the porch. My plan is to spend some time out there reading and “keeping an eye on things” each day.

Since originally I was not expected to survive my illness I am profoundly grateful to start each day of life. Additions like a rocking chair and a cool morning mean a lot. May God grant you new joys in your life and many blessings in the days ahead.

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